We've received this letter from one of our gentle visitors, and could not but publish it (with his permission, of course), because it shows as clearly as it can be shown that BDSM is not about pain and aggression, but about loving and caring for the other, just another way of showing your love. (our translation, gracias, andros)
"Hi, Fernando.
Talking about our experiences doesn't bother us, even when we sure are newbies compared with many others. But maybe we should explain why our interest in something so new for us.
I have to travel a lot because of my work, and mostly out of the country. This made the Internet a normal and necessary way of communication.
My beloved wife has then to face many things by herself, and even if she is strong willed, she is prone to depressions, and I have to travel more from the end of 2000 which put a heavy burden on her.
Many hours we spent in the Internet, trying from far away to help her to put herself together and giving her the strength to fight the challenges.
While on this, and by chance, we discovered that when her depression was very deep, and in my despair, I blew up and tell her strong things, she reacted and responded wonderfully, and the next day she solved things as if by magic.
Some time after, I discovered that she looked for ways of making me angry, and was leading to those situations.
When I told her that, she accepted that it was so, that she needed my demands, my imposing my will with no doubts and with assurance.
And I began trying, and every time I've noticed her depression or her intentions to make me angry, I answered in strong terms and threatening her with beatings, getting in exchange two things: a strong and sure woman on one side, and an aroused one on the other.
We are no genius, but we could understand that there were here things unknown to us, and so we began our explorations, first with some fear (you always think "we are sick") but then, talking about her experiences in her childhood
(see her
memories), traumatic at the moment but now analyzed, assumed and got over but for something: harshness and rebelliousness were part of my wife from the beginning, and she had to accept that that rebelliousness was a way of getting assurance on the other's authority, which was no cause for pain but for pleasure.
I began to please her, in behavior and in form. We began slowly, calmly and very carefully, we love each other and none of us wants to hurt the other.
Now, my beloved wife have became my submissive wife, she loves telling me I'm her Master, and she is way ahead of me in that, it is truly difficult for me to picture myself as a Master or a Lord, but if she is happy playing that way, me too, and if it is useful also in her life, better.
I have seen a fundamental change in her with this, she is now sure of herself, she feels loved, she has no doubts, and she had done things in areas undreamed of, which she never dare. I mean that thanks to this she has grown, she'll tackle anything if I only tell her "it seems right to me, go for it and get it".
What before was a dreadful task, now is happiness for her, her Master wants it and she goes ahead joyfully.
She loves waiting for her Master, as she says, she has a thousand things to do for me, she has interest in nice things and I have seen her smiling again as years ago.
She adores playing, and accepts the punishments with youthful joy, and I must be careful, nothing can be overlooked
An ill ironed shirt, bad cooking, throwing something on the table while eating, everything, and I have to do it, because she will playfully put triggers everywhere, and if I overlook them, she will feel sad.
We have rules, contract-like, and by total consensus I'm her Lord, but don't you believe that it is only at home, no, it's everywhere. I've heard her, in an expensive restaurant, tell me without flinching, when I asked her what she wanted "what you decide, my Lord". I was astonished, and the waiter didn't know where to hide.
And there she goes, my wife, with skirts she uses again, without underwear, audacious as ever, and she is still beautiful, charming. "Put on this, or the other", and she does it. "Learn Arab dances", and there she goes, as I've said, there are no limits.
And I can't, for anything in the world, overlook her punishments, and she has her chosen corner, her collar, and her leash. And what she likes more, her spankings, when she deserves them and when she doesn't, because she gave me the authority for spanking her just for pleasure.
This boldness is probable light for many, but we do it that way because we like it so, and there are no more sessions, it is our life, without cares or worries, which is the best part.
She profits from it, without any doubt, because when she chose me to be his Master, she became a mistress of her own life, nobody can match her, her will can match everything, and everything is possible for her.
I'm surely not the best at this, but I'm doing what is possible to learn, and to care for the one I love.
We are going ahead, and for the moment everything is happiness, and I hope it stays so.
We learn all we can, and pages as yours were and are of great help, giving ideas, creativity, and safe information, is just a matter of selecting and adapting, consenting and enjoying, and if we don't like something, we just leave it, its not for us, what matters is we both being well.
But if something amazes me is how a woman can change, and can be a thousand times better, assured and strong with which most would say should be the opposite, that magic I can't understand yet.
I'm now traveling again, and my mails and the messenger are our way of communicating, and I'm still the same Master my beloved submissive wants, because that makes her feel loved and happy. The distance and the waiting are not so hard, because now there is the expectation for what we will discover for the other.
Wonderful, isn't it?
Andros"
Published: 11/14/03